Today is the second last day of Ramadhan 1429H. Somehow, it leaves me feeling a bit sentimental. I guess as you grow older, I mean more matured, you have an increasing awareness on time and space issues.
Ramadhan has been a month especially close to my heart since the passing of my beloved great grandmother 2 years ago. We used to have our own routine- waking up at 4 a.m. for sahur together, enjoying her one-of-a-kind teh tarik at break fast, fussing over a matching tudung for her baju raya and changing her money into small notes for the eagerly-awaited duit raya for my little cousins.
The Raya immediately after her passing, I cried inconsolably at her grave. Same goes for the Raya after that. So deep was my attachment to her. But this year, I vowed not to cry. Not because I have decided to push her back, deep inside my memories, but because I have to learn to let go.
I dream of her sometimes. Once she said she missed me. And in that dream, she showed me around her big house and made my favourite drink, her ever-so-special teh tarik.
I hope, this Syawal, I will be able to fulfill my vow and maybe, just maybe, she will come to me again. Insya Allah. Al-Fatihah.
Continuation for anor-mycupcakes.blogspot.com
10 years ago
1 comment:
hi dear ene
ive never told you this and dont know whether you remember.. you once told me that tok was not doing so well at one point and that now she no longer staying at cheras with you and your family... i wanted so much to go and visit but i didnt/couldnt at the time and was secretly wishing the next trip i go to kl i'd be able to meet tok and hope that she still remember "budak sarawak".. but i didnt manage to.. the one regret of my life... the lost of a loved one will leave a scar/longing/hole so deep that a sea of tears would never be able to sooth nor relieve the longing... i too wish that my late mother would come in my dreams.. but sometimes, i dont cause when i wake up i'll be in a hilubilu state of mind and confusion that i just saw her last night yet she's not here with me...
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