Goodbye Ramadhan

Today is the second last day of Ramadhan 1429H. Somehow, it leaves me feeling a bit sentimental. I guess as you grow older, I mean more matured, you have an increasing awareness on time and space issues.

Ramadhan has been a month especially close to my heart since the passing of my beloved great grandmother 2 years ago. We used to have our own routine- waking up at 4 a.m. for sahur together, enjoying her one-of-a-kind teh tarik at break fast, fussing over a matching tudung for her baju raya and changing her money into small notes for the eagerly-awaited duit raya for my little cousins.

The Raya immediately after her passing, I cried inconsolably at her grave. Same goes for the Raya after that. So deep was my attachment to her. But this year, I vowed not to cry. Not because I have decided to push her back, deep inside my memories, but because I have to learn to let go.

I dream of her sometimes. Once she said she missed me. And in that dream, she showed me around her big house and made my favourite drink, her ever-so-special teh tarik.

I hope, this Syawal, I will be able to fulfill my vow and maybe, just maybe, she will come to me again. Insya Allah. Al-Fatihah.